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<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
We\u2019ve all been at the crossroads. You\u2019re casually seeing a guy that you\u2019re really into, but when you finally broach the \u201cwhat are we?\u201d talk, you\u2019re met with a silence so awkward that you\u2019d rather be caught accidentally liking a 40-week-old photo of his ex on Instagram.<\/p>\n
When you pop the question, he shifts uncomfortably in his seat. Avoiding your pleading stare, he mutters, \u201cI\u2019m not looking for anything serious right now\u2026 I really like you though. I just have a lot going on.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ouff. Those loaded words (although not\u00a0entirely\u00a0unexpected) feel like a punch to the kidneys. You silently wish there was a rewind button so you could avoid this embarrassing display of emotions altogether.<\/p>\n
\u201cOkay,\u201d you say, trying to maintain an air of unbotheredness.<\/p>\n
You\u00a0really\u00a0like this guy and you don\u2019t want to be just casual. You decide that the best course of action is to give him space. Let him sort out his emotions. Give him the chance to miss you.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t want to seem too desperate (you\u2019re a cool girl, after all.) So instead you say, \u201cTake your time. Text me when you\u2019ve figured your stuff out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTake your time. Text me when you\u2019ve figured your stuff out.\u201d
\nAnd you leave with a slight glimmer of hope that things might actually work out.<\/p>\n
They will not.<\/p>\n
You\u2019ll cling to the fact that he said he has \u2018feelings\u2019 for you with all your might. You\u2019ll mope around secretly hoping every\u00a0*ping*\u00a0is his name lighting up your screen. And you\u2019ll get more and more neurotic each day that he doesn\u2019t come springing back like an elastic band. (Or worse, you let him string you along for months until he eventually meets someone that he\u00a0is\u00a0ready to get serious with.)<\/p>\n
You won\u2019t realize until much later, but\u00a0your fleeting words have forever condemned you to being just an option.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s wrong with telling a guy you\u2019ll wait for him?
\nMost of us can relate to this scenario. And, no, there\u2019s nothing objectively wrong with that response, but just know that it automatically disqualifies you from ever actually having a real shot with him.<\/p>\n
See, when you respond with \u201creach out when you\u2019re ready,\u201d you\u2019re effectively giving him the green light to go ahead and do nothing. Whether explicitly stated or not, this statement (or something along these lines) implies that you\u2019ll just be there waiting indefinitely. He likes this because it\u2019s kind of like saying that you\u2019re willing to be an option \u2014 and men like options (hell, women do too.)<\/p>\n
Even if you didn\u2019t intend it to come off that way, it does.<\/p>\n
A far better response is to stick to your guns and say, \u201cLook, I think you\u2019re great but I\u2019m actually looking for something more serious so I think it\u2019s best to call it here. I had a ton of fun with you, but I\u2019m looking for someone who\u2019s on the same timeline as me.\u201d<\/p>\n
This is a much more powerful response. You\u2019re still being incredibly warm and complimentary, but you\u2019re also being firm in your resolve and letting him know that you put yourself first.<\/p>\n
Then you have to walk away knowing that you might never hear from him again. You\u2019ll be okay though because you wanted different things and staying in that situationship was never going to fulfill you.<\/p>\n
And look, he might come around and say, \u201cI\u2019ve changed my mind, I do want to date you after all.\u201d But even if he doesn\u2019t, at least you\u2019ll be a thousand times better off you than if you let him keep you on the hook.<\/p>\n
Stand in your power. You are the main character in your own story \u2014 not him.<\/p>\n
What to do if you\u2019ve already said you\u2019d wait
\nIf you\u2019ve already messed up and told him you\u2019d wait for him, don\u2019t worry, I got you.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s exactly what you\u2019re going to do.<\/p>\n
You have two options:<\/p>\n
Option 1:<\/strong> if you guys are still texting regularly and you want some \u2018closure,\u2019 next time he initiates a conversation say, \u201cHey, to be completely honest, I don\u2019t really feel like waiting around to see where this goes. It was fun getting to know you and you\u2019re a great guy, but I\u2019ve decided to see other people. Wish you the best!\u201d (or something to that effect.)<\/p>\n Just keep it amicable and wish him luck in his future endeavors.<\/p>\n Then, proceed to option 2.<\/p>\n Option 2:<\/strong><\/p>\n If you haven\u2019t heard from him in a while, I wouldn\u2019t even bother giving him a heads up. It\u2019s just going to seem like you are trying to remind him of your existence. Instead, start living by your word. If you\u2019re looking for a relationship, get back on the dating apps, and start actively going on dates. Text a single friend and ask if she wants to go out for drinks at a new spot. Live it up.<\/p>\n If you aren\u2019t necessarily looking for a relationship, start filling your time with activities that you find fulfilling. Make a personal development list. Brain dump 100+ things that you want to work on and then every time you start thinking about him, go to your list and pick something to focus on.<\/p>\n It could be as simple as doing a 15-minute abs circuit or as time-consuming as starting a blog or learning a new skill.<\/p>\n I promise you\u2019ll move on in \u00bc the time and you\u2019ll better yourself in the process (not that you aren\u2019t great already!)<\/p>\n Win-win.<\/p>\n Final thoughts<\/strong> Decide what you want (your gut will usually give you a hint) and if they don\u2019t match your energy then walk away.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We\u2019ve all been at the crossroads. You\u2019re casually seeing a guy that you\u2019re really into, but when you finally broach the \u201cwhat are we?\u201d talk, … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1775,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1774","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1774","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1774"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1774\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1776,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1774\/revisions\/1776"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1775"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1774"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1774"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1774"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nGetting over someone sucks, but it gets easier the minute you start being honest with yourself about what you\u2019re looking for. There\u2019s no point pretending to be a \u2018chill girl who\u2019s down for FWB if you secretly want to marry him because the lack of reciprocation is just going to make you miserable.<\/p>\n