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1: You feel \u201cmeh\u201d about your future together.<\/strong> If you\u2019re in a mature adult monogamous relationship, odds are that you\u2019re not just looking for a\u00a0fling, but someone you can genuinely picture spending the rest of your life with.<\/p>\n That, for many, sounds daunting.<\/p>\n You have many decades left, after all.\u00a0Many\u00a0phases of life.\u00a0Many\u00a0wins, losses, challenges, illnesses, expenses, duties, chores \u2014 accomplishments, goals, victories, celebrations\u2026maybe marriage, kids\u2026<\/p>\n All of which are going to be shared with\u00a0one person\u00a0that you choose \u2014\u00a0if\u00a0you choose monogamy.<\/p>\n Now, imagine the person you\u2019re with is alongside of you during that journey:\u00a0How do you feel?<\/p>\n How do you feel about waking up next to them in five, or ten years?<\/p>\n How do you feel about raising children with them?<\/p>\n How do you feel about taking that international month long trip with them?<\/p>\n How do you feel about\u00a0growing old with them?<\/p>\n If you just feel \u201cmeh\u201d about that vision \u2014 or even worse \u2014 dreadful about it\u2026it\u2019s a clear sign that you need to evaluate why you\u2019re with this person in the first place, and what is\u00a0really important to you\u00a0down the road.<\/p>\n We only get one shot at this life, the last thing we should do is choose to share it with someone who isn\u2019t right for us.<\/p>\n 2: You\u2019re secretly hoping they\u2019re going to change.<\/strong> This means their habits, nuances, quirks, and idiosyncrasies. We all have them.<\/p>\n The problem arises, though, when there are fundamental qualities or traits in a person that you simply cannot get past, or that make you incompatible.<\/p>\n You overlooked them when the relationship started because you were excited about this new person and you were having a great time together. You\u2019d go out and have fun, enjoy special occasions, have fantastic sex, laugh until you cried, and cuddled until you fell asleep.<\/p>\n And then\u2026after awhile, you simmered into your\u00a0real life\u00a0together. When the boiling water stopped bubbling, you could see what was beneath the surface again.<\/p>\n So now you\u2019re with someone who has things about them that\u00a0someday, you hope are going to change.<\/p>\n But, deep down, you know that they won\u2019t \u2014 because they\u2019re ingrained in your partners\u2019 identity.<\/p>\n You grin and bear it as you get through the days and hope maybe tomorrow will be different. But, it isn\u2019t.<\/p>\n At this point you need to ask yourself how long you can realistically\u00a0hold on\u00a0to something that\u00a0you know\u00a0isn\u2019t right. How much stress or anxiety are you willing to endure as you simply\u00a0tolerate\u00a0your partner, waiting for that magical moment when they turn into the person that \u2014\u00a0gasp\u00a0\u2014\u00a0you secretly wish they were?<\/p>\n Truly loving someone is about fully accepting them\u00a0as they are today, not secretly hoping they\u2019ll turn into someone else tomorrow.<\/p>\n If you can\u2019t love them for who they really are, let them go to find someone who will.<\/p>\n 3: You have to \u201ctrick yourself\u201d around them.<\/strong> Do you have a friend who you love doing\u00a0certain things with,\u00a0but not others?<\/p>\n For example, maybe Susie or Steve are always down for a good time. If you text them to get a drink, they\u2019ll be there right away. You know the night will be exactly what you need and you\u2019ll have fun together.<\/p>\n But \u2014 they\u2019re not on your list of invitations for the casual family get together.<\/p>\n When you choose a romantic partner, they\u2019re your guest for\u00a0everything.\u00a0And, if there are\u00a0only certain things\u00a0you like doing with them, you\u2019re going to have to trick yourself into doing the others.<\/p>\n Maybe you need to let loose and have a drink or two first.<\/p>\n Maybe you\u2019re always apologizing for their snide remarks or rude comments\u2026but \u201cthey mean well, really.\u201d<\/p>\n Maybe you think it\u2019s\u00a0normal or natural\u00a0for your feelings or attraction to come and go, fade in and out, be hot and cold\u2026<\/p>\n So, in the times that it\u2019s cold you do something\u00a0artificial\u00a0to heat it back up again.<\/p>\n Red. Flag.<\/p>\n No, we can\u2019t be expected to be\u00a0on fire\u00a0with our partner at\u00a0all times no matter what,\u00a0but it\u2019s a completely different discussion when you\u2019re questioning why you\u2019re with them the majority of the time.<\/p>\n They should bring\u00a0far more joy\u00a0to your life than they bring anxiety. If the balance is shifted in the other direction, then why are you still with them?<\/p>\n 4: Your arguments are about WHO is right, not WHAT is right.<\/strong> Of course, when I got older and learned the truth, I understood that disagreements and even\u00a0arguments\u00a0occur in all types of relationships, no matter how healthy.<\/p>\n But,\u00a0how\u00a0these disagreements are handled makes all the difference.<\/p>\n I believe that being in a relationship makes you part of a team, and a team works together towards a common goal.<\/p>\n Teammates do not play\u00a0against\u00a0each other, they play\u00a0alongside\u00a0each other.<\/p>\n Likewise in a relationship: It should be\u00a0you and your partner against the problem,\u00a0not you\u00a0against\u00a0your partner.<\/p>\n This requires you to stand shoulder to shoulder and find a resolution to your conflict\u00a0together.\u00a0If you find that you are fundamentally unable to do that, then each of these arguments is simply going to stack on top of each other until the pile is so tall, you can\u2019t even see each other over it. 5: You don\u2019t like them \u201cas a friend.\u201d<\/strong> I have been saying for years that\u00a0happy relationships are built on a foundation of friendship.<\/p>\n Meaning: You should\u00a0like\u00a0your partner as you would a friend. You should\u00a0like\u00a0doing the boring, monotonous things with them. Errands, chores around the house, cooking, boring dinner on a boring Tuesday.<\/p>\n Yes, life can be full of excitement, adventure, and passion \u2014 but the reality is that it\u2019s also full of regular, everyday stuff.<\/p>\n And, the older you get, the more of this regular everyday stuff plays a role in your life together.<\/p>\n Imagine being in your rocking chair after retirement\u00a0not liking the person\u00a0who\u2019s next to you.<\/p>\n Imagine finally taking that huge trip you\u2019ve been saving towards for years and\u00a0not liking the person\u00a0who you take it with.<\/p>\n Imagine having to care for someone after an accident or during an illness\u2026and\u00a0not liking them.<\/p>\n When you can truly enjoy the time you spend with your partner, no matter what it is that you\u2019re doing, life becomes fuller, richer, and more enjoyable.<\/p>\n You\u2019re choosing a person that could be by your side for\u00a0decades to come,\u00a0if that\u2019s not something to hold the highest of standards for, then I don\u2019t know what is.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" 1: You feel \u201cmeh\u201d about your future together. Let\u2019s be real about this:\u00a0Forever is a long time. If you\u2019re in a mature adult monogamous relationship, … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1810,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1809","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1809","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1809"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1809\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1812,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1809\/revisions\/1812"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1810"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1809"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1809"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1809"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nLet\u2019s be real about this:\u00a0Forever is a long time.<\/p>\n
\nIt\u2019s not realistic to love\u00a0everything\u00a0about your partner, but you do have to\u00a0accept\u00a0everything about them.<\/p>\n
\nHere\u2019s what I mean:<\/p>\n
\nWhen I was younger, I had a blind optimism about relationships. I didn\u2019t think that happy couples\u00a0ever fought\u2026ever.<\/p>\n
\nIf you find that consistently, over time, your viewpoints are simply too far apart to build a bridge between them, it may be time to just leave the pieces on the ground and walk away.<\/p>\n
\nNo, I don\u2019t mean\u00a0just as a friend \u2014 a\u2019la \u201cthe friend zone.\u201d<\/p>\n