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That said, it\u2019s smart to know how to identify the signs that you\u2019re being jerked around by someone with a disorder that blunts their capacity to experience empathy or treat you like a human being\u2014for example,\u00a0a narcissist.<\/p>\n
As is the case with other personality disorders, narcissism exists on a spectrum. \u201cAt one end of this \u2018self-loving\u2019 spectrum is the charismatic leader, who is capable, has friends and family, but whose main vice is his or her inflated sense of self,\u201d says psychologist and\u00a0certified family law specialist\u00a0David Glass, CFLS, PhD. \u201cAt the far other end of the spectrum reside individuals who have been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/strong> \u201cThe NPD person is extremely manipulative to the people around him\/her, and don\u2019t truly think of these people as \u2018humans\u2019 but rather as \u2018objects\u2019 that they can move around to meet their needs,\u201d Glass tells\u00a0Urbo.<\/p>\n How do you avoid this type of manipulation? For starters, if you feel like someone is treating you badly, pay attention to that feeling, and to the ways someone may be orchestrating your breakdown.<\/p>\n That\u2019s easier if you know the tactics that manipulative people use on their friends, family, and colleagues. For example:<\/p>\n Gaslighting<\/strong> Perhaps most importantly, know that you don\u2019t have to convince the narcissist or win the argument. Maintain your perspective and give yourself credit; you\u2019re\u00a0not\u00a0making this up, and your feelings are valid.<\/p>\n Shaming<\/strong> The implication is that the narcissist is more mature and has developed beyond the level of the other person.<\/p>\n As Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC,\u00a0points out at Psych Central, there are a number of ways that narcissists use shame to diminish their victims, including speaking style. For example, Hammond lists \u201cbaby talk\u201d as one way a narcissist might break you down.<\/p>\n \u201cIn any narcissistic relationship, the narcissist wants to be seen as the adult and the other person as the child,\u201d she writes. \u201cThis belittlement is done in several condescending ways such as literally talking down, calling the other person immature, and saying the other person needs to grow up. The implication is that the narcissist is more mature and has developed beyond the level of the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n Similarly, the narcissist may \u201ctalk over\u201d the other person, using authority to diminish her. Physical posturing can be a part of this process.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t respond in kind; widening your vocabulary, calling the other person immature, or listing your academic credentials won\u2019t strengthen your position with a narcissist.<\/p>\n Diversion<\/strong> \u201cIf the non-narcissistic person ever starts to get close to the core of any argument, or to the core of the narcissist\u2019s deep, true lack of self-regard, the narcissist will go into overdrive to \u201cdivert\u201d them away from the topic at hand,\u201d says Glass.<\/p>\n An example of this would be someone turning the conversation to \u201ccrazy\/off-track topics, or \u201cescalating\u201d the discussion to something more personal.<\/p>\n Instead, insist on keeping the topic of the conversation out in front. Resist the urge to respond to personal attacks; remain calm and focused, and you\u2019ll be able to maintain control.<\/p>\n Triangulation<\/strong> They might say, \u2018Well it\u2019s not only me who thinks this way.\u2019<\/p>\n This is an especially insidious technique when the narcissist uses someone you personally trust or admire to diminish you.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n \u2018They might say, \u2018Well it\u2019s not only me who thinks this way. Did you know that Mary said the same thing? In fact, she told me that she had reason not to trust you because\u2026\u2019 and so on,\u201d Glass tells\u00a0Urbo.<\/p>\n The narcissist may also use a third person who could be a threat to you\u2014an ex-lover, for instance\u2014in an effort to force you into submission. You may feel forced to compete with the third person.<\/p>\n Projection<\/strong> For example, a boyfriend who is highly suspicious of his girlfriend and who repeatedly accuses her of cheating, despite her having given no evidence to support his suspicions, may be projecting his own wandering eye or sexual indiscretions onto his S.O.<\/p>\n There are\u00a0several different kinds of projection\u2014neurotic, complementary, and complimentary. And while most people project on occasion, narcissists frequently employ projection as a means of psychological abuse.<\/p>\n This is another way in which the narcissist avoids addressing their own imperfections; rather than taking responsibility for their behaviors, they force their victims to assume that responsibility.<\/p>\n Name-Calling<\/strong> Of course, there\u2019s something undeniably childish about resorting to name-calling, and that\u2019s typically not the approach you would expect from someone who has spent their life refining manipulation tactics.<\/p>\n Turns out, though, that this form of belittling is not too low for even the most sophisticated of toxic humans. And, in fact, there\u00a0is\u00a0something sophisticated about this tactic; it can be a powerful reminder of past bullying, pulling you back into a fearful, vulnerable mind space that you may have only associated with childhood.<\/p>\n A bad nickname affects your self esteem, and studies show that\u00a0name-calling affects compliance. The narcissist may or may not be aware that he\u2019s using this form of manipulation, but the malicious intent is usually clear to everyone (except, perhaps, the victim).<\/p>\n How to Get Out<\/strong> That is, of course, easier said than done. Emotional manipulation can be extraordinarily difficult to overcome, and it\u2019s much more common than most people know; one 1999 survey showed that\u00a035 percent of women\u00a0reported emotional abuse from a partner or spouse.<\/p>\n However, severe situations require immediate action. Realize that you cannot change or reason with an extreme narcissist, and that any attempts can lead to them working themselves back into your life.<\/p>\n If you decide to end a relationship with an extreme narcissist, Glass recommends making a clean break if possible.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s the exact opposite of how they sell the lottery,\u201d he says. \u201cThe only way to win is\u00a0not\u00a0to play.\u201d<\/p>\n Use your support system and don\u2019t allow the conversation to continue. Block the narcissist\u2019s number and email address and cut off any communication outlets. While this might seem harsh, it\u2019s the only way to truly keep them out of your life.<\/p>\n \u201cYou should rely on one or two close friends or family members. Tell them all that the narcissist has been doing to you,\u201d says Glass. \u201cWarn them that the narcissist will likely contact them to try to convince them that you are the person causing the problems.\u201d<\/p>\n We should note that the suggestions in this article don\u2019t apply to every situation, and severely abusive relationships often need to be handled differently to ensure your safety.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" That said, it\u2019s smart to know how to identify the signs that you\u2019re being jerked around by someone with a disorder that blunts their capacity … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1817,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1816","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1816","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1816"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1816\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1818,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1816\/revisions\/1818"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1817"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1816"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1816"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1816"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nThe only way to win is not to play.<\/strong><\/p>\n
\nNarcissists want to make you unsure of yourself so you are more likely to rely on them for help. This vulnerability makes you susceptible to further harmful tactics. For more information on this common technique and how to respond, watch our video below.<\/p>\n
\nThis classic manipulation technique is also one of the most damaging. While the method may seem obvious, it can be quite subtle if carried out by a narcissist whom you trust and adore.<\/p>\n
\nIt can be frustrating when someone changes the subject in the middle of a conversation, but when a partner does this to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, diversion can be downright dangerous. Narcissists use this tactic to derail conversations that may lead to an unpleasant result.<\/p>\n
\nTo make themselves seem more credible\u2014and to dismiss their partner\u2019s feelings\u2014narcissists may bring another person into the mix in an attempt to \u201cstack the deck\u201d in their favor.<\/p>\n
\nProjection is the act of taking your own thoughts, feelings, or behaviors and pushing them onto others.<\/p>\n
\nSticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt you\u2014except when they do. Because they really do! Narcissists have caught onto this fact and will use it to their advantage.<\/p>\n
\nIf any of these situations are familiar, you might be dealing with a manipulative person. When that person is your partner, you may need to get out of the relationship.<\/p>\n