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The Idealization Phase<\/strong> \u201cYou are the most beautiful girl\/handsome guy I have ever seen\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou are so amazing; I wish there were more people like you in the world\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI want to be open with you like I\u2019ve never wanted to be open with anyone else before\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI knew I wanted to be with you from the first time I laid eyes on you\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI feel so lucky that you are giving me your time\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI just want to better myself every day to be the best for you and for the life we are building\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo one could ever compare to you\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m so afraid to lose you\u201d Assuming it\u2019s a guy, he may often call you by your full name followed by his last name to condition you to start seeing yourself as their spouse.<\/p>\n They will cast so many visions for your dream future together, what your plans are, having kids, moving in together, living happily ever after with every other fallacy they\u2019ve from you about your deepest desires and values from the beginning of studying you to mirror it all back and reflect your \u201csoul mate\u201d as a result.<\/p>\n And the list goes on\u2026 I could go on, but you get the picture.<\/p>\n The Devaluation Phase<\/strong> Gaslighting will become more prevalent while they bear contempt for all the things they once \u201ccherished\u201d about you. And when met with any shred of an attack (even if it\u2019s objectively not), they will shut down when told to be accountable and try to stonewall you. In response, they will assume the role of the victim by calling you selfish for pursuing them in the first place. All the blame and mayhem caused in the relationship would be appointed to you, despite their role in creating the situation. Because after all, they are the victim here.<\/p>\n All this as you absolutely BLEED to engage their\u00a0loving\u00a0open presence and reconnect to get back \u201chome\u201d to the \u201cbeautiful\u201d connection you really have together, but underneath it all\u2026.<\/p>\n The circus has no end, it\u2019s just the perpetual madness that ensues from one rational, loving person exhausting themselves to another who\u2019s irrational because they believe the [forced] love is real, and they\u2019ll do anything to \u201cwork\u201d through the challenges. Or so they claim. The former never realize that their partner is getting their fix off of these tribulations staying unresolved, like a damned pharmaceutical company that never wants to sell a cure because they would lose their customers.<\/p>\n Meanwhile, you stay and take all of it, thinking that your partner is merely struggling with their own intimacy issues as so many people do. And because you already love them, you are going to be the bigger person here. Making the decision to not only understand, but support them through thick and thin with all their internal turmoil instead of strutting out the door, because that\u2019s not what people who love you do, right?<\/p>\n They don\u2019t throw something out just because it\u2019s chipped, they try to fix it, or love it as it is.<\/p>\n During this phase, with disapproval and judgment in their eyes, they will start saying things like the following or some variation\u2026<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t know what you\u2019re talking about\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think you\u2019re better than everybody else\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think you know everything\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s always your way or the highway\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think I\u2019m stupid\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou don\u2019t trust me\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI had a dream I was with another girl last night\u201d<\/p>\n I saw you looking at that guy with my own eyes<\/p>\n You are the reason things aren\u2019t okay (or better) in life, at work, in the sac, in our families, etc\u2026<\/p>\n You are a troublemaker, no one can help you because you\u2019re too fucked up The Discard Phase<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m not in love with you anymore\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t see us being together for life\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t want to be here\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not attracted to you\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t do anything for me\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t feel the same way about you anymore because of the damage you\u2019ve caused\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou had it coming\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou think you\u2019re so special, but you\u2019re not\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m never going to regret leaving you, I can\u2019t wait to get out of here\u201d Let\u2019s not forget the things they tell others\u2026 SMEAR CAMPAIGN Unfortunately, it doesn\u2019t stop there.<\/p>\n The Hoovering Phase<\/strong> Whatever they know about you, keep in mind they will leverage it while simultaneously keeping tabs on you through social media. They will present their communication with you as if they\u2019re doing YOU a favor, making you the piece of sh*t if you didn\u2019t appreciate it, and respond with gratitude.<\/p>\n Remember, you need to show them how important they are, or you are the scum of the earth. As mentioned before, this is now their stage, and the main character is the world\u2019s biggest victim.<\/p>\n The hoovering attempts are very specific to your history with them so I\u2019m not going to claim there are blanket phrases during this phase. To put it simply, it\u2019s just further, unprovoked manipulation, gaslighting, and supply-seeking for as long as you allow it.<\/p>\n The only way to address this is to go absolutely radio silence. The only viable reason you can\u2019t long-term is if you have young kids together, then proceed with as much minimal contact as possible.<\/p>\n I hope this helps put things in perspective for you and supports you in your healing journey after being the unsuspecting victim of a soul-sucking monster. The Idealization Phase In the idealization (or love-bombing phase) the narcissist will look deep in your eyes with the most euphoric bewilderment that someone\u00a0so … <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1844,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1843","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-psychology"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1843","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1843"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1843\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1845,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1843\/revisions\/1845"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1844"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1843"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1843"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/tipsforahealthylife.eu\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1843"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}
\nIn the idealization (or love-bombing phase) the narcissist will look deep in your eyes with the most euphoric bewilderment that someone\u00a0so incredible\u00a0even exists\u2026 they are\u00a0god-smacked\u00a0by your mere presence (or at least\u00a0appear\u00a0to be, as we now know this was all a manufactured presentation to hook you), and from this seemingly awe-stricken place, with the light of all the stars in their eyes, they will say things like the following\u2026<\/p>\n
\nThey\u2019ll tell you how they talk with their closest family and friends about you, as someone \u201cdifferent\u201d or more special than anyone they\u2019ve ever met.<\/p>\n
\nWhen limerence becomes the past, their mask begins to peel. The narcissist will start making snide and sarcastic comments, talking down to you with arrogance with claims they know far more than you.<\/p>\n
\nI could go on and on\u2026<\/p>\n
\nAt this stage, you\u2019re being thrown in the trash, disgusted as ever and violently offended that something so vile would be anywhere near them for any reason.<\/p>\n
\nThey\u2019ll take EVERYTHING they ever learned about your intimate life, fears, desires, and past and find ways to make inaccurate, yet extremely hurtful comments about them in relation to you.<\/p>\n
\nThis was their agenda, and now it\u2019s their prize. In their sick minds, they got bigger, stronger, better, and more desirable\u2026 because they reduced you to nothing.<\/p>\n
\nThe narc who supposedly couldn\u2019t get away from you fast enough or block you on all socials and from their phone because they \u201cnever want to see or hear from you again\u201d Or so they say\u2026but will find any ol\u2019 reason to \u201cget in touch with you\u201d about something that really needs your attention and requires your response. Don\u2019t fall for their manipulative charades.<\/p>\n
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