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Lying is, for better or worse, a behavior humans take part in at some point in their lives. On average, Americans tell one to two lies a day, multiple studies have suggested. But it\u2019s where some people are fibbing that might come as a surprise.<\/p>\n
It turns out, one person often on the receiving end of a lie is someone people are supposed to open up to the most \u2014 their therapist.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019ve totally lied in therapy. Sometimes, I\u2019m even too ashamed or embarrassed to admit to the crazy outrageous things I\u2019ve done,\u201d says Laura, 28, who requested to only use her first name for fear of losing her job and therapist. \u201cI think everyone lies in therapy to some extent. Usually, the truth ends up coming out, though.\u201d<\/p>\n
Laura is far from alone. In a comprehensive\u00a02015 study\u00a0published by the American Psychological Association book\u00a0Secrets and Lies in Psychotherapy,\u00a093% of respondents admitted they had lied during therapy at least once.<\/p>\n
It might seem counterproductive for clients to lie to a therapist whose\u00a0main objective is to help them. Still, there are a few practical and psychological reasons people aren\u2019t always entirely forthright. Here are the biggest motivators, according to experts.<\/p>\n
They\u2019re embarrassed<\/strong> \u201cMost of the time, we want to present our best selves,\u201d Barry A. Farber, one of the authors of Secrets and Lies in Psychotherapy, tells TIME. \u201cSo, even in this most confidential of all places \u2014 psychotherapy \u2014 we are still protecting our sense of self.\u201d It\u2019s natural for people not to want to put their most personal thoughts, feelings, and behaviors under the microscope for another person to analyze and judge, he says, even if it\u2019s a therapist.<\/p>\n The shame that often accompanies having an affair, for example, can be the main reason for someone\u2019s reluctance to discuss the subject openly. \u201cIt\u2019s uncomfortable to admit such things, and lying can be a way to escape the discomfort,\u201d says Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and author of\u00a013 Things Mentally Strong People Don\u2019t Do.<\/p>\n They don\u2019t want to deal with the consequences<\/strong> Morin acknowledges many clients are scared of \u201cgetting in trouble\u201d for what they confess in therapy. \u201cThey may worry that the therapist will terminate their sessions because they aren\u2019t making progress or they may be concerned the therapist will somehow punish them,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n Dishonesty\u00a0motivated by anticipated consequences can also surround unhealthy and even perilous habits. Almost one-third of the therapy clients Farber, along with co-authors Matt Blanchard and Melanie Love, studied admitted they lied to their therapists about their use of drugs and alcohol, while 21% said they had lied about their eating habits. When it comes to addictions, eating disorders and other dangerous patterns, Farber says sometimes people refrain from opening up to their therapists because, quite simply, they don\u2019t want to stop.<\/p>\n \u201cOnce I tell my therapist about these kinds of serious addictive behaviors, I\u2019ll be in a position where the therapist is going to continue to inquire and work with me or almost insist that I have a plan to give up these addictions, and I don\u2019t want to,\u201d Farber says of this type of mentality.<\/p>\n Even people with less dire habits still feel the need to lie because they know their therapist will advise them to change, even if they\u2019re not ready to. \u201cI lie because I don\u2019t want to stop certain behaviors that I enjoy doing but are probably red flags for a therapist,\u201d says Laura, the therapy client.<\/p>\n They\u2019re in denial<\/strong> \u201cSometimes people don\u2019t really mean to lie, but they minimize their problems because they can\u2019t quite accept them yet,\u201d Morin says. \u201cSomeone with a substance abuse problem might insist she didn\u2019t drink much this week even though she drank heavily every day. Individuals often need help coming to terms with their problems before they can be honest with themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n Denial can also be a common coping and defense mechanism for clients dealing with other stressful and overwhelming situations, research has found, ranging from what they can\u2019t change, like a\u00a0diagnosis of an illness, to what\u2019s very difficult to change, like\u00a0repeatedly failing\u00a0at something.<\/p>\n They don\u2019t want to relive the trauma<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t want to talk about trauma because discussing it is going to overwhelm me,\u201d Farber says of this mindset. \u201cIt\u2019s going to bring me back to an experience or experiences that have been so difficult [and] so overwhelming, and I\u2019m fearful that if I talk about it, it will re-traumatize me.\u201d<\/p>\n In some\u00a0cases of trauma, people may not even realize the extent to which the event or events impacted them and underestimate their significance on present situations.<\/p>\n \u201cOne of the effects of trauma is that the experience isn\u2019t coded,\u201d says Susan Kolod, a Manhattan-based psychoanalyst. \u201cYou can sort of know that something happened to you but it can come in and out of your consciousness.\u201d For example, Kolod refers to a client who had trouble committing to relationships. \u201cAfter a while, what was uncovered was that his mother was an alcoholic and that she was, in fact, a very unreliable parent,\u201d she recalls. \u201cNow, he wasn\u2019t actually lying to me by leaving it out. It\u2019s more like it wasn\u2019t in his consciousness, so it wasn\u2019t available for discussion until we got to a certain point in the therapy.\u201d<\/p>\n They want their therapist to like them<\/strong> Altering the truth in an attempt at kindness is still problematic, though, because it limits how effective treatment can be. \u201cIf you\u2019re censoring your experience, then the therapist can\u2019t be helpful to you,\u201d Kolod says. Therapists are aware clients sometimes omit the truth or downplay the significance of certain life experiences, and there has been researched on how mental health professionals can better spot dishonesty and adapt their treatment accordingly.<\/p>\n While being embarrassed, dealing with shame and processing difficult life events can all be daunting for people, opening up in therapy is ultimately a healing process with the potential for long-term benefits. \u201cWhen the therapist gets feedback about what he or she isn\u2019t doing right or about what aspects of the therapy aren\u2019t working then, of course, there\u2019s a possibility of working on it and making it better,\u201d Farber says. Developing an unfiltered and\u00a0honest relationship with a therapist\u00a0not only helps clients during their sessions, Kolod adds, but can actually improve their relationships outside the walls of a clinic.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Lying is, for better or worse, a behavior humans take part in at some point in their lives. 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\nThe 2015 study found 61% of participants cited\u00a0embarrassment\u00a0as the main reason for dishonesty with their therapist.<\/p>\n
\nIn many instances, someone\u2019s lie in therapy is an attempt to avoid consequences such as a therapist altering the course of treatment, researchers say.<\/p>\n
\nDenial can be another motivator for those who are less than frank in their therapy sessions.<\/p>\n
\nIn addition to avoiding tangible consequences or being in denial, some people lie in therapy to limit the unseen negative effects of the truth, like emotional pain, the 2015 study also found.<\/p>\n
\nPeople-pleasing can be a strong motivator to lie, even when it comes to therapy. \u201cMany clients have a strong need to be liked and they worry that if they\u2019re honest about their feelings or their mistakes, the therapist won\u2019t like them anymore,\u201d says Morin. \u201cSo, in an effort to stay in the therapist\u2019s good graces, they feel compelled to paint themselves in a positive light, even if that means lying.\u201d<\/p>\n